Seems that there are some women in Zimbabwe that got arrested for sexually assaulting males for their sperm.  Supposedly, it wards off evil spirits or possesses some kind of other supernatural powers other than preserving the human species, if that isn’t enough, right?.
Now, this really piqued my interest for a couple of reasons.  First off, I can’t imagine any average, American male oinker that wouldn’t freely give it up upon command; and secondly; if it can ward off evil spirits, what else can this “White Gold” do?  So, I decided to ask the Internet Gods; and not too much to my surprise, I found some quite interesting facts about the Power of Jizz.

It seems there are quite a few questions out there from women about “swallowing”.  There is obviously a general interest; but a fear
of the unknown can, and will, stop her in her tracks from exploring the experience.  I have also heard from women that it’s like
swallowing a snot ball.  And the point?  Who hasn’t?  Well ladies, put your mind at ease, for the White Gold has more outstanding qualities and uses than warding off evil spirits.

Firstly, it’s a natural protein shake consisting of high protein (actually 125mg, the same protein in a whole egg), and it has nearly zero fat and cholesterol. Calories and carbs?  No problem! It’s chock full of vitamins (B-12 and C) and minerals (zinc and magnesium) as well.  What more could you ask for in a morning starter breakfast?  Taste tests indicate if the oinker male eats kiwi, pineapple and watermelon; it could be your best sweet treat!  Eating lots of salmon and seafood gives it a buttery flavor; however, beer and coffee will
create a bitter taste; so listen up guys! <I want to know who in the hell did these taste tests and who organized them?  Please don’t tell me it was the government…>

Moving on with nothing but the facts… 

-In ancient times, it was swallowed as a cure for heartburn.

-Allergic reactions? Nil.

-It’s a “woman happy pill” if swallowed.  Semen contains testosterone, estrogen, prolactins and prostaglandins.  All she needs to put her in a good mood!

-The highest number of Sperm per ejaculate belongs to the pig. (go figger, snort)

-Sperm ejaculates at a speed of 35mph. That’s as fast as a racing greyhound.

-The furthest squirt on record is 18 feet.  (C’mon guys!  You can beat that, right?)

-It contains the same ingredients as hair gel (sucrose and water)

And the Cum de Graz?  It has a perfect pH balance between 7 and 8 and makes an outstanding facial treatment.
It has also been known to help cure acne for its drying capabilities.  Directions for application?  Apply to the face (how is up to you, I’m not going there!) and let dry for 15 minutes.  Rinse with warm water and apply a moisturizer.  I can see this conversation right now…

Man:  Honey, can I jizz on your face?

Woman:  EWW!!! That is Nasty!

Man: No!  I mean, it’s a face cream.

Woman:  Oh really?

Man: Yeah! It’s better than Oil of Olay!

Woman:  How do you know this?

Man:  It says it in this educational video starring Jizzy Pearl.  It even shows you the right way to rub it in!

Woman:  Well, in that case…..

So ladies, considering the fact that you spend all that money on facial cream and hair products; you just might want to consider Jizz.  After all, it’s free, it’s never cold, and it even comes with its own handy dose-measured pumper that never, ever runs out.

Heck, even Well-mart can’t beat that!  Till next time, please remember to Jizz responsibly!

Ta!

Midnite Writer.