I was so nervous that I was shaking. I think the girl behind the counter mistook me for underage because of that. Or maybe it was just a rule, but I didn’t see her card anyone else who came in before or after me. I studied the floor as she read the identification that proved I was now officially old enough to be in the sex shop.
“This doesn’t really look like –” she paused as I tilted my head up. She blinked several times. I could practically hear the lightbulb in her head suddenly click on. I saw her eyes dart to my chest and down to my crotch, but she said nothing else. She handed me back my ID. I promptly slipped it back into my wallet. “I’m Sasha. Let me know if you need any help finding anything.”
I shook my head. I didn’t know the layout of the store, but I also couldn’t bring myself to ask her for assistance. I knew exactly what I wanted. I’d find it eventually. I made my way through the store, carefully avoiding eye contact with the other shoppers. I was convinced that everyone was looking at me. I kept glancing at the floor in my embarrassment, nearly causing me to run into the very shelf I was looking for.
The available strap on dildos were in a lot more varieties than I had expected. Some vibrated, some didn’t, some were flesh colored and many were purple, blue or other shades I hadn’t expected. I wasn’t sure which one would fit my personality, or just fit in general. I was now regretting my decision not to let Traci, my girlfriend, come with me. On the top most shelf, I found a starter kit. Realizing that it might be best to start at the beginning, I calculated in my head how much it would cost after taxes and let out a sigh of relief when I realized I’d have enough.
“Find everything you were looking for today?” It was Sasha again, this time ringing up my purchase for me. “Remember to boil this after use. Or if you prefer, we offer a cleaner–” I shook my head. I’d only have a few dollars left on my debit card after this purchase. She bagged the package up and handed it to me before completing the transaction. “Have a good day, sir!”
I paused. She had seen my identification. She knew the name my parents had saddled me with was Lacey, though I chose to go by George. I smiled. No one had called me by a male pronoun before without me having to ask them. It felt good to have a complete stranger realize who I was on the inside, even if I was still working on making the outside match. “Thanks, Sasha. You have a good day, too.” I pursed my lips for a second. “I’ll be back for the cleaner as soon as I scrounge up a few bucks.”