By: Amy Shakewell 

            One year I had plans to head North to my mother’s house for Christmas. It had been over 16 years since my three siblings and I have had Christmas together. It was a much anticipated trip.

 The day before the trip I’m getting things all set to go and had a male friend over to instruct him on what needed to be done while I was gone. While I am showing him around the house, my two children ages 11 and five years old, are running through the house chasing each other. They would run past my friend and me into my room, jump on my bed, and then slid off the other side. They did this maybe three times; then my son comes running up to me and is pulling on my shirt.

 He says, “ ma, ma “ with each yank on my shirt and interrupts my conversation. I stop and turn to him, and say, “What?”  My 11year old says, “Ma, your bed is going brrrrrr……” not fully understanding what he just said.

 I say, “What?”  He replies a little louder:  “Your bed is making a funny noise, brrrrrrr….”

 SHOCK, HORROR at the sudden realization of what was making the noise. The male friend gave me a rather funny look as to what the possibilities were. With a now rather red face I yelled at the kids to stay out of my room! My 11year old asks, “Christmas presents ?”

 “NEVER YOU MIND”  I reply thinking to myself how in the world am I going to pull this one off?

 With all that I had to do for the trip, I had totally forgotten about the event one Christmas eve while stuffing gifts under the tree. My Mom informs me that she had bought the children stuff for their stocking. “Oh how nice,” I say and then she holds up two electric toothbrushes, hits the on switch, and brrrrrr….they go. With the biggest belly laugh ever, I hug my tummy and double over in disbelief. Now with tears in my eyes I tell my mom what a life saver she is. Of course, she had NO idea what I was talking about. So I shared my embarrassing story with her and we both laughed till we cried.

 The very next day started out like any other picture-perfect Christmas. Everyone  gathered around the tree opening presents. My son pulls the toothbrush out of the  stocking and holds is up while it’s running and says, “OOOh” My mom and I share in  the giggles at the thought that my son had remembered the brrr……and now had concluded that it was toothbrushes stashed for Christmas. What a relief the dreaded  cover-up story was avoided.

 One might not like to admit that they have a  Battery Operated  Boyfriend (B.O.B), personal pleasure device, tickle stick, vibrator or whatever you might call it. Now a days, I believe it is much more common for such self-sufficient devices. Due to  STD’s, online dating killers, and many other various  issues having a B.O.B. is a much “safer” way to meet ones personal needs.

 I personally have always thought that stashing B.O.B. between the mattress was a safe and undetectable spot. Let me share with you that when you have children there is no such thing as a safe hiding place.