By Jim Hoover
The Reverend Jeremy Hollowhead, a radical left-wing televangelist, claims that God sent the earthquake to House leader Eric Cantor’s Congressional district to show His / Her anger.
Rev. Hollowhead says that God abhors hypocrites and fabricators more than he does fornicators. That is why God never considered hitting Hope, Arkansas with some natural calamity, but did target Mineral, VA, in Eric Cantor’s district.
God believes in irony, the Reverend said, citing Mr. Cantor’s attack on the US Geological Survey (USGS) funding, dealing with earthquake safety and predictions. Since Cantor’s proposed budget cuts would have affected The National Weather Service and NOAA, God could have sent a hurricane, a tornado, or some atmospheric plague, but He / She didn’t want innocents to suffer and only wanted to send a message to Mr. Cantor and his supporters.
God told me that He / She had many potential targets in the hypocrisy arena, but was particularly angered at Michelle Bachmann and Rick Perry, who both suggested that the Almighty wanted them to be President. So it was a hard choice. Eric got God’s vote because he is a special kind of weasel, said the Reverend. And God is not demeaning the weasel. Its behavior is justified for survival, and God does not mean political survival.
But getting back to Eric Cantor, his programs hurt people, his distortions intend to tear down safeguards that protect people. Like a cat with primal instincts, fresh from a bird kill and with feathers in his mouth – We are speaking of Cantor’s brinkmanship in the debt ceiling talks, of course, but pointing blame at Obama.
Cantor’s recent Washington Post op-ed accused Obama of causing the S&P downgrade by stifling economic growth. If God had a mouth, it would be gaping open on that stark hypocrisy – you understand that God is a spirit.
God doesn’t like humans doing things to hurt millions of people – you must know that He/She gave up on the eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, especially many eyes and many teeth…you know, like in the Old Testament, Sodom and Gomorrah, for example.
Anyway, Cantor wants to kill the EPA and National Labor Review Board (NLRB) enforcement. That would open the door to bad food, poisoned water, and unclean air for millions of people. Stomping on the NLRB would take away worker rights for hundreds of thousands.
God also made reference to other Cantor distortions here and there, like about wanting to take away health care coverage for seniors.
God is fed up with politicians wanting to abuse the poor and the vulnerable. He reminded me of his exhortation to the rich man in Mark 10:17-25. When the rich man asked how he could “inherit eternal life,” Jesus said that beyond following the Commandments, he should:
“Go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow me.”
Not only is Eric Cantor rich, he is also an agent for the rich, Reverend Hollowhead said.
