By: J. Norice
Historically, child support has been th
ought of to serve as a middle ground between two parents to financially support the child. Modern day child support cases don’t always work that way. Typically money is taken out of the paycheck of the payer, which is usually the father and it is then given to the other parent. The main question is what really happens with the money? In most cases its sad but true that child support is used as a means of revenge, which the angry parent (caught up in their own twisted sense of pay back for all those wasted years with their ex-spouse) doesn’t realize that in this entire mess the child loses. There are even situations where one parent pays and doesn’t get to see the child at all. While I understand that there are some situations where the other parent does not want to see their child, there are many where they do and can’t. It is my opinion that society has overlooked what it really takes to raise a child. Providing money is only a portion of what it takes.
I propose that the entire set up of child support be reformed. I think that instead of sending the other parent a check that they should give the parent with custody a card–like a credit card–where the money comes out of the child-support paying parent’s check as usual and goes on to the card, thus supplying the parent with custody an easy access to the child support and as such can be regulated. That way if the parent goes to purchase something that has nothing to do with supporting the child they’re unable to buy it. Regardless of what some may think, paying your light bill is not supporting the child the parent paying child support has to care for their home not the both of yours. As a parent you have responsibilities and your bills are a part of that, the child support is to support a child. Like the parent paying child support, you should work or have some source of income to provide a stable home for the child as well. If there was a way to monitor how the money was being spent I think there would be less cases of child support and more successful child-parent relationships.
The other and far more important thing that I would change is that both parents should have the right to see the child (unless one parent requests not to). I think that this should also be documented. Each visitation should be noted as well if, for example, the mother would not allow the father to see the child something could be done. If a child has the opportunity to have a healthy relationship with both parents they should be granted that right.
Being a parent is more than giving them money for shoes, and clothes. If society takes that into account they would provide a more stable living situation for children. After all, isn’t that who it is all about?
The CHILDsupport,
J Watkins
1 Apr 2011If we are going to reform child support, let’s reform it.
1.) Stop evaluating the effectiveness of the child support system based on dollars collected. For instance, the legislature gets a report that states that CSRU has collected $5M more than last year. The top administrator then can solicit more funds from capital hill because they have more work. So the incentive is to collect dollars not ensure that the child is supported.
2.) Privatize collection agencies so the fathers have legal recourse when the agency is not in compliance with law. Currently, if they do something illegally what happens? Nothing, because even if you sued the state what are you going to get?
3.) Cap support limits. No one needs to be given $14K/mo for child support. That’s just ridiculous. We are rewarding women for having babies for financial purposes. The non-custodial parent should have to provide for the child not just the one who happens to work their tail off to obtain a high paying career.
4.) Stop providing free legal counsel for just the custodial parent during child support enforcement. While filing child support papers in the court, prior to a judges signature and visitation suit must be completed also. If the non-custodial parent does not want visitation make in within the order. Again, they are just collecting dollars not ensuring support for the child. Protect the non-custodial parents rights also.
5.) Create an incentive to pay, through a tax credit for non-custodial parent. They both made the child they should both be taxed for the income. Currently, the custodial parent receives the monies tax-free while the non-custodial parent pays full tax on these monies.
6.) All additional expenses should be split evenly (i.e., healthcare coverage, college expenses, etc). The both created the child they should both be required to financially support the child, especially since the woman is historically awarded custody.
7.) Provide amnesty during times of unemployment. They claim that they award support as a portion of the non-custodial parents income because the child would have that if they lived with that parent, well, the same logic should apply if the parent is unemployed. As of now, the support stays the same and if you fall behind they penalize the custodial parents with loss of licenses (professional and driving), placing debt on credit report and even jail. Makes no sense. How does a person get a job while in jail or without a means of transportation. Get real.
I think some of these changes would then eliminate some of the fathers that I know who work under the table and cash only operations to hide their income from the state. If they notice that you make more money, they apply for a modification but not if you have a reduction.
That’s my .02 cents or whatever 20-28% of my income is….
jnorice
2 Apr 2011I totally agree with you input or 20-28% of your income. Child support is not longer about supporting the child its just about the money and only one parent gets an sort of benefit,and for your last point (im going backwards here) Amnesty is a great idea because things do happen and people get fired. I like how every point splits everything down the middle for both parents. That supports the child and that is what counts, I think that if the government feels the need to get involved they should fix the problem not make it worse.
jnorice
2 Apr 2011Oh shoot I forgot to mention your third point having a cap would be excellent because no child should be getting thousands and thousands of dollars a year….insane!!!! All your point were very thorough and appreciate …lets reform.
Anorth
4 Apr 2011Lets look past the “money” issue. It’s about people making bad choices from the get go or just moving to fast into the sack or relationship. If we would go back to “courting” and taking Marriage seriously and learning everything about that person- potential partner before jumping into the sack or relationship we could maintain healthier environments for all parties! Doesn’t every child want just 1 mommy and 1 daddy? Shouldn’t the focus be to be smart and don’t split apart~avoid Child support all together!
Shakewell
5 Apr 2011GREAT SCOTT DUDE!! Do you really want to give more of our rights as humans to another Gov. agency? Think about what you are saying!
CAP ON PENIS~PROBLEM SOLVED!!!
jnorice
5 Apr 2011I agree with you both if people were more selective on who they chose to lay with these problems may not exist but would that really happen?? I’m not trying to get the government into human rights …they’re already in them so part of my point for the govt is why not actually accomplish the goal they claim to be setting? If your going to be in our lives (which those who file have the government involved) then fix it instead of making it worse.
The other day I was having a conversation with a good friend of mind and I said what if fornication was illegal? Would there be so many illegitimate children in the world and issues with caring for the child. —Just a thought.——-
I personally feel that with the issue with child support if there going to have these laws they should be harsh on both parents not just one! For some reason its more difficult for the noncustodial parent which is usually the father I feel that both parents should have equal rights and they should be practiced. Its bigger than the money its about creating a healthy relationship between the parents and child.
Bred
7 Apr 2011I experienced the money revenge aspect of the child support battle first hand. My father left when I was two (on the note that my mother was crazy.. not far from the truth.) However, he never came back.
Of course, mother pursued child support to the fullest potential. The government began to tap into his funds and gave a percentage to our fatherless-family. Yet, as a child, I never saw a hint of this money. Not even a car fund or college fund was established for my potential future.
Instead, mother used the money to buy drugs. Go figure.
Although split custody or visitations were not possible (as my birth father never came back) I was still not able to experience better financial means growing up.
I feel the government needs to do one of two things:
1. Monitor the amount of funds being transfered via money logs. Similar to balancing a check, money should be recorded to indicate honest use of the finances.
2. The funds should go into a locked account, or at least a portion of it. It’s called child support for a reason, not give-money-to-the-other-parent support. Until the child/children is of age, some of the funds need to be stored and secure for the child specifically.
jnorice
7 Apr 2011Whats interesting is that many women fail to realize that their hurt toward the father hurts the child more and the reaction of the father is usually them leaving. Given that every situation is different I do see more and more cases like this often, and as a women I will proudly state that we need to get it together. Pain is something that should not be used as a means of revenge when a child is involved you no longer matter only the child matters so whatever happened is now in the past. I also agree with your two points that you posted and I think that child support laws and policies should be a lot more harsh so there would be less hassle and it being used as a means of ‘revenge’. I think that the government is too lenient on women because they gave birth but that doesnt mean that there responsible nor does it mean that child doesnt need their father every child needs both parents if they didnt it wouldnt take two to make one.
y worry
7 Apr 2011Its very interesting what you all are saying! The reality of the situation is when a custodial parent is granted child support they are given a debit card which probably could be monitored. however, since there is a vague monthly due date for the non custodial parent to pay by if the child gets sick or needs something like diapers, food, medicine etc. the custodial parent pays for it (as a parent should) before and if the non custodial parent pays their portion. The amount is only a portion of what is needed, which is understandable since both parents are supporting the child. Given the custodial parent works (which they should be) the child must got to a sitter if underage or if family aren’t available or willing to keep the child. Childcare is expensive…so, if a parnet of a 5 year old hasn’t started a fund for the child it’s probably because they used their money for needs like health insurance, daycare, after school programs, food ,medicine ,diapers,clothes and the list goes on..
jnorice
7 Apr 2011So I’m not sure of exactly what your saying if your saying that child support is fine the way it is or that more support should be given to the custodial parent? Also, I haven’t seen a debit card given with child support what state do you stay in where that takes place just curious?
Assuming you read the article you would see that these are ideas just to insure that the child is cared for financially because like some of the comments have mentioned there are cases where the child does not see any of the money. When you mention the cost of things (childcare,food,etc) those are all take into account when the amount of support is issued to the noncustodial parent and in all honesty should also be thought of when you find out that your pregnant. The amount of child support is just a portion because you (the other parent) is to pay the other portion its not meant to take care of the child entirely and your money goes to whatever you want to spend it on.
Interestingly enough your my first female response and it seems rather bitter, please think about the child not yourself and not to be rude but this is a pro-choice nation and if you feel like being a parent is a burden which it kinda does seem that way based on your response perhaps you shouldnt have kids until you are in a relationship (married) and you can both support your offspring. (assuming your not already a parent).
Please also note that the noncustodial parent pays for the medical expenses of the child as well.
Overall I see your point of view and I do thank you for mentioning it.
y worry
7 Apr 2011When it comes to not being able to see a child the parent filing for support must tell if there was ever a relationship between the two and what type. If the judge has granted the noncustodial parent cannot see the child for a period of time there was a domestic dispute. and that file will be documented as such. If the noncustodial parent has been physical how can anyone expect the custodial parent to otherwise deal with the person without it possibly escalating (where both could lose the child). For instance, a man had his 2year old son who wouldnt stop crying. He told the boy to shut up and be a man a continued to puch him in the chest. The 2yo boy collapsed and died. How would u react if i told you the mother knew he was abusive from experience and took no precautionary measures to assure their childs safety and his stability? would she be partially blamed for putting her child in potential danger? if she before knew he was abusive how would she ask for needed money or products for their child
jnorice
7 Apr 2011Again I’m a little lost, you stated, “the parent filing for support must tell if there was ever a relationship between the two and what type”. What type meaning he was my boyfriend, fiancé, sex bud…. Hopefully the last one does not apply I mean honestly women shouldn’t be having sex with just anyone because whomever you choose to lay with your risking the chance of producing an offspring so if you don’t know them that well or they’re crazy you know what your dealing with and at that point that was your choice to continue risking the chance of pregnancy or even disease.
Now to your other points if there is a situation that it had to be take to another level of the courts and there was a domestic dispute and there was proof of the claim (sometimes people do lie) then that would be another situation and although that is still the non custodial parents child maybe something should be worked out where is visitation is observed. I encourage anyone who is in a physically abusive relationship to get out and get whatever help loose all contact with that person by any means but if that’s not the case then let them see their child. Point blank a child needs both parents regardless of gender and child support is often used as a way to get back at the other parent for hurting them while they don’t even realize that they are hurting their child. Also, consider when the child gets older how are you going to tell explain to the why there other parent wasn’t there (especially if that parent wanted to be in their life).
Your example is very graphic and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone but you said the court ruled in this case so why would you still give your child to a violent person? I mean its bad enough that you stayed with someone who is violent you also chose to bring a child into this world with them? You know everyone can make a baby but just like men women cant always make the proper decisions to care for them.
But to answer your question yes, the parent would be partially blamed because it had already been proven in court (evidence and all) that this person was violent so why have your child in that situation, unless their old enough to make that decision for themselves (that age is usually 14). Also, you stated that the parent was violent towards the other parent not the child that’s not really saying that they would harm the child that’s only saying that they have harmed you (the other parent).
Also like you said she knew before he was violent….why did she stay? Why would you risk the chance of asking for anything? Why would you even get pregnant by this person? Id just be on food stamps and stick with my nine to five and take care of what I could the best I knew how if he wants to help he will.
I honestly feel like a situation like that can be avoided like mentioned many times before be mindful of who you are sharing your body with just because you love him does not mean that he has to or does love you back take pride in yourself as a woman and if a man can treat you like your worth something then you shouldn’t be with them but trying to keep a man with sex is not the answer and definitely bringing a baby into the equation will just make things worse. Many women try that and there still heart broken and bitter and the man has moved on why go through it when you can just move on with your life too. I think you should watch the play “The Child Support Man” by Deron Cloud it gives a mans side of not being able to see his children and also how the children could be affected by it. But I hope the situation you described is not yours or anyone that you may know.
Hinstuff
7 Apr 2011I believe there needs to be a complete overhaul of child support. The child needs the parent in their life, no matter what. Money is great but time is better. I mean even when we lived outside people still had their fathers and mothers as a family. Family is what matters, but the situation that I currently observe is one of complete foolishness. It makes the non custodial parent not want to see their child over time and end up cold. This is just another example of a broken system that perpetuates more poverty, hate, and stress. I mean the motto of child support is family first…………………..It should read money first and fuck off. If they want to fix it they need to restrict an allocated amount to certain things and give you vouchers like they do for WIC. SO you can buy so many diapers and clothes only for kids, only at certain stores. Only so many school supplies, etc. The other parent should pay for what they have to pay for on the other end. Adding, if women have the final say in keeping the child once they are pregnant then they need to live with their decision and shut up. You wanted it so you keep it; I mean they do everything else like that. So I believe if they fix all of this, we would have a lot less women having kids just to “keep” men in their lives or to rack up on their bank account. There also needs to be some type of limit on the amount you receive. I don’t care what kind of live the non-custodial parent has, if you wanted it you should have stayed and you shouldn’t capitalize from the benefits of their hard work because you ran off with a child. So I do agree with J Watkins. Hey if you want to sit down and work on a proposal, I am down.
To any child who is in the middle of this, I feel horribly sorry for you, because what you need the most is being deprived from you because of two people’s inability to control them and come to an agreement.
To y worry I believe that a person should be in their child’s life regardless and if you don’t want them there then you shouldn’t get anything regardless of the relationship and if he/she doesn’t want to be there then he/she should pay. But in no situation should a parent be forced away from a child for the hell of it or because the other parent is scared of some hypothetical situation. Adding, what grants the parent with the child any type of custody and reassurance to the parent without the child that they are not insane or crazy? Just because you didn’t get caught or you don’t feel you are crazy doesn’t mean you are not crazy. I believe both parents should undergo psychiatric evaluations and future expectation timeline to gauge their ability to succeed. Also there family background should also be evaluated. Adding, why would you have a baby with a violent person? That’s your fault and you deserve it. If they were violent to you before the baby then they will be violent afterwards. Also, why would you keep the baby of a maniac, wont the child be a maniac. And because all truth comes to light, do you think they would still respect you if you took them away from their other parent because you were scared? Look at it from the Childs point of view.
jnorice
7 Apr 2011Wow well it seems like your response is more personal and I can see how based on what you’ve written I do think that money and time are somewhat equally imporant just because kids need thinks (food,clothes) but they also need to know a good example of a man/woman so that they have a better idea on life and how to go/get through it. Child Support should have harsher laws toward BOTH parents because they’ll put more thought into it before going to file.
jackrabbit
7 Apr 2011I must say that I wholeheartedly agree with the need to revamp the entire child support payment and entitlement structure. But first to revamp the system we must revamp our culture and society. After all the laws reflect what drives the masses, dont they? Or at least the masses that vote consistently. Lets revamp the American Child Support system through education of each individual child, BEFORE they become parents. Instilling values of respect, empathy, compassion and pride. Now to deal with the issue of present day support. Now there are so many variables in this. Tragic stories of abuse, neglect to just downright abandonment and I dont claim to be an expert in any of this. Each case is different, I am just a parent of three children. I learned early on not to depend on the “other” parent or that infamous child support check. At the demise of my marriage, I was told by my father that I needed to hold my head up and look ahead; so that’s what I did. I was what you’d call a hands on parent. Sometimes running myself into the ground emotionally and physically trying to make up for what we didnt have or what I thought my children needed that I couldn’t provide. Then one day a light came on, and I realized that the greatest thing to give my children is support on honors day, parent teacher day, little league day, dance recital day, band performance day, birthdays and making sure they have a home at the end of the day. A home that’s a loving, warm environment that will encourage them to love God first, themselves second and to be proud of who they are. Dont get me wrong I understand how the lights need to be kept on in the house…believe me I do. But once you make money the final focus, all else pales in comparison. Does the child support system need to be revamped -yes. But untill it is, MAKE the main focus the child.
jnorice
7 Apr 2011I totally agree it does begin with society that is what it is based on and I will say that seeing your parent in the crowd on honors day or whatever is what really counts to us something we as kids will never forget.
Amom
11 Jan 2012I am the mother of two teenage children. I share custody with my ex husband, who is my children’s father. We were married for 2 years before the children came along and were married for 10 years before he decided to break our marriage vows by having other sexual partners, which I found out about after moving out for what was supposed to be a “trial separation”, as suggested by our marriage counselor, and came home to find that he had filed for divorce.
I had been a stay at home mother, to raise our children, our oldest child is a special needs child and I worked night shift while my step sister helped him to take care of our baby and then came home and took care of our child all day. When I got pregnant with our second child, it was a high risk pregnancy and I was put on bedrest and could not work. After our second child was born, I could not earn enough money to pay for the cost of childcare and we did not want someone else raising our children, so I stayed home. I was no longer physically or psychologically able to work all night and then stay home with two children all day and be able to function, so working was not an option.
Our shared parenting agreement and child support order splits the children down the middle. The courts expectation is that the children’s bills will be shared and that they will be provided with what they need, on a evenly split 50/50 basis.
It does not work that way.
My children spend a week with their father and a week with me. I agree that children need both parents, so long as both parents are able to function as parents for their children.
I make that distinction because my sister is a non-custodial parent, and she pays child support. My sister is not able to function as a parent to her child and without a doubt the best place for her child is with the father. The father provides a stable, loving home for their child, and my sister has no idea how to do that or inclination to do so. When she found out she was pregnant, I advocated for abortion, from the start. Not because my sister’s child is someone that I wish was not here, that child is very precious and I love that child dearly, but because I knew that my sister was not ready to be a mother. Unfortunately, some anti-choice activists got to her during her time of distress and talked her right out of it (I noticed that their support and help dried up as soon as the child arrived and the real work began…)
Anyway, so I have these two innocent children, a husband that has decided to replace me, no job, and to say that things were rough was an understatement. I got my feet under me and at first my children were with me all week long and went to their dad’s house for weekends, then I started dating again and I refused to submit my dating partners to my ex-husband for his approval, so he took me back to court and had things changed to how they are now.
The problem is that grown ups don’t always behave like adults. My children both have special needs, they need to go to the doctor and for therapy. My ex decided that he did not agree with the therapy, he did not want to pay for it, so he insisted that I am not allowed to take them to these appointments on “his week”. Now, he won’t take them either, so therapy had to be discontinued, against medical advice. I have had to do my best to work around the week-to-week rotation for my children’s medical needs. This is not being an adult, this is not for the best interests of the children, either. But, the court documents say that we have custody on our weeks, so that means that we do not have custody on the opposite weeks. This makes a logistical nightmare.
The court orders say that the children will be permitted to participate in activities, and that both parents will support these activities. Our cub scout had to quit when time came for boy scouts which had weekly instead of bi-weekly meetings. For the record, I paid every penny for anything having to do with scouts. Girl scouts lasted one year, again, I paid for everything, but some of the meetings landed on his week and he complained so much our daughter decided it was not worth dealing with. I pay for the high school sports and have not gotten a single penny from him for the myriad of expenses: pay-to-play, the track spikes, the training shoes, the uniform, the entry fees, the practice clothes, the water bottles, the transportation fees. I pay for our children’s musical pursuits (through the school, but there are still a lot of expenses out of pocket) I pay for the reeds, the tuners, the practice stands, the books, the rental for the bass clarinet, the tenor and alto saxes, the viola and the cello, I pay for the rosin and the fees for competitions, uniforms, and so forth, I also am responsible for the private lessons that are supported by me bartering my time for the instructor’s time.) He paid for one sweatshirt, which our son had to then work for him to pay off. He paid the $25 for drama club, which our daughter has been working to pay off, as well. The children are paid a rate of $1/hour. I do not have a problem with having children work for things, but because of the length of time to pay things off, the children either depend on me to pay for things, or they choose to not do the activities. This is not fair, so I end up paying for these things, despite what the court order says.
When it comes to things like coats, school supplies, jackets, and such, I am forced to pay for things, completely, myself. School supplies are simply not provided by their father, he just refuses to buy them. The children need school supplies, so I end up buying them. He does buy them coats and such, but they are not allowed to bring them to my house, so every year I am forced to buy coats, boots, jackets, and such. They have them, but they are only permitted to wear home the clothes that they wore over to his house. Our midwest weather has caused some really uncomfortable situations for the children, like when we had a sudden cold snap and our daughter had worn a lightweight skirt and short sleeves to her dad’s and the following week had to wear the same back home again (they go to school and then come to my house after school, on his weeks he picks them up from me, on my weeks they just stay home, so she had to wear this inappropriate for the weather outfit all day at school.) She had no jacket, no sweater, and was miserable, in addition to got a lot of strange looks for her choice of attire. He knows that if he simply refuses to buy essentials, then I will not allow them to go without, and will provide them.
Oh, and my household income last year was $32,000, before taxes. His was over $250,000. He pays $6,000 (yes, that is six thousand dollars) in child support. The court said that he only had to pay half of the amount of child support because of the requirement to share the children’s time 50/50 and the requirement to share the children’s expenses. The problem, however, is that I live a paycheck to paycheck existence and can not even dream of hiring a lawyer to have it reviewed, and there is no way to enforce him paying for things for the children.
I refuse to talk poorly about their father and will not allow the children to disrespect their father or his wife in my presence. I always talk about how he loves them, and that he is doing his best to be the best parent that he can for them, that he is doing what he believes is best for them, and that this is the only thing that any parent can do. None of us are perfect, we all just do the best we can, we make mistakes, but that just means we are human. I have screwed things up in grande scale more than a few times, but I just apologize to the kids, tell them that I am sorry and will try to do better the next time, thank them for their patience with their fail-able mother and move on from there.
The idea of having some system to approve or disprove the use that child support dollars is put to is, frankly, insane, in my opinion. Who determines what is appropriate use of money, and what is not appropriate use of the money? Not to pay the electric bill, you say. But, the weeks that my children are not home, I do not heat their bedrooms, I do not heat the whole upstairs of my house (which is where their rooms are located-not mine). My electric usage is hugely impacted because the children are home. My water bill goes from 4 showers a week to twelve showers a week. Part of providing for children is providing for their environmental needs, as well as buying them clothes. The logistics of having to separate out the items that are for the children, and the items that are not “for the child”, especially when maybe someone has a blended home, would be a nightmare. I have a friend that has 3 children by her first husband, she married a man that has 2 children by his first wife and they have one child together. Can you picture trying to go school shopping and having to figure out what gets charged to one child and what goes to another child, and two of their children are the same age so they share clothes, so how do you figure out how that gets charged/credited, what about hand-me-downs and clothes that we purchased for one child that another child ended up with?
Do you honestly think that this particular dollar, that is provided by the parent paying for support, can not be traded for a different dollar that was provided by the parent that is receiving the support? I find it sadly humorous when a parent starts kvetching about some random thing that their child’s other parent spent money on, and the first parent seems convinced that their specific dollar bills are being used for that particular item. I was talking to a man that pays support to his ex wife and she had one on a vacation, he was convinced that “his” money was being used to finance her fun. I happen to also know the woman in question and I know that she saved for YEARS to have enough money for that vacation. She did not get the child support check, tell the kids that they were not going to eat for the month, rent out their bedrooms, turn off the utilities, and head off on her vacation. That is absurd! She worked and saved and worked and saved and went without a lot of things so that she could finally go on this vacation, but he did not know that, and it is none of his business, either! This idea that these exact dollars must be the ones that are spent on the children is silly. The children eat, they wear clothes, they use utilities, they require bedrooms and furnishings, they have transportation needs, and expenses for activities, and those happen every single month and maybe the dollar bill that I earned is going to pay for that, maybe the dollar bill that you earned is going to pay for that, maybe that is your percentage of the cost of providing for our child and maybe it it my percentage of the cost of providing for our child, but the fact of the matter is that the bill is being paid, and that is really all that you need to know.
Now, if a child’s standard of living (which is the bottom line of what the court’s formula determines) is at a middle class level and the child is living in poverty, then clearly there is something wrong that needs to be looked at and explained. But, if the child is living a standard of living that matches what the court’s formula has determined is appropriate for the child, then all you have to do is apply a little logic and you will see that the money is coming from SOMEWHERE and the child is being provided for. Period. End of story.