This week the Supreme Court continues it’s argument on weather lesbian and gay couples have the right to marry in The United States. While equal rights, justice and the obvious morality of not excluding a group based on their sexual preference is all well and good, most intriguing are the new findings by the American Pediatric Society. The APA has concluded that the children of gay parents benefit greatly if those parents are married, regardless if they are gay or straight and greatly advocates for equal rights in this area. The APA also states:
Members of gay and lesbian couples with children have been found to divide the work involved in childcare evenly, and to be satisfied with their relationships with their partners (Patterson, 2000, 2004). The results of some studies suggest that lesbian mothers’ and gay fathers’ parenting skills may be superior to those of matched heterosexual parents. There is no scientific basis for concluding that lesbian mothers or gay fathers are unfit parents on the basis of their sexual orientation (Armesto, 2002; Patterson, 2000; Tasker & Golombok, 1997). On the contrary, results of research suggest that lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive and healthy environments for their children.
~ From the official APA policy statement.
Below is an interview with Chris M. who was gracious enough to answer some questions on what it was like to be raised by an “out” parent during a time when it was not quite so mainstream to be gay. Born in 1972 in New York City, Chris’s father shared joint custody of him with Chris’s mother.
PenProstitute: Can you give our readers a little bit about your back-ground?
Chris: I was born in New York City in March of 1972 and raised on the upper west-side of New York City. I grew up going to public school and then for high school my parents moved me to private school. My mother moved to New Hampshire my sophomore year and I moved with her. I wasn’t happy there and after six months I moved back to New York City to live with my dad. I went to college in Westchester and lived there for a couple years after college. I then moved to Boston for work and stayed there for nine years. I then moved back to the New York area for another job and have stayed here. I am married with three children; a son and two daughters. I work in the theatrical lighting business in which I started at a young age with my stepfather although I graduated with a Pre-med major BA in Biology. I do lighting for film, theater, and special events. I have grown two theatrical lighting rental company divisions to over four million in sales revenue and one to over ten million in the lighting rental business.
PenProstitute: What is your view on the Supreme Court case being argued right now?
Chris: I think that people have forgotten that rights should be rights and not something to be voted on.. rights are something everyone should have no matter how you feel about the others people’s rights. I feel no different than if someone told you that your children wouldn’t have certain rights for no apparent reason that made any real sense. If your child or parents were born with a certain color hair and guess what- people with that color hair aren’t allowed to get married, or it was okay to fire them for having that color hair, you would feel the system is unfair as well. It seems very wrong to me that in a land where we claim all people are created equal that many people don’t want that to be one-hundred percent true. It’s very wrong this country should deny anyone the same rights.
PenProstitute: Your father was very open with you about his sexuality, did this impact you in any way? Emotionally? Sexually?
Chris: My Dad came out when I was very young. My parents got divorced and tried to live close to each other for us to move between them easily. My Dad was fired from his job for being gay when he came out (which was legal at the time). That affected us as we had to change our life-style a bit. I know I was defensive about my dad and didn’t really let people know my dad was gay until we were good friends. I think it made me more guarded emotionally as a kid. I don’t know that it affected me much sexually. I was sexually active (as many kids in the city are) from a young age and from a pretty early age I knew I was attracted to women. I think the fact he didn’t have very steady relationships (I think that the short nature of many gay relationships has to do more with the persecution of the gay community more than any result of gay people having shorter relationships now though) often made me want the opposite- which was steady relationships.
PenProstitute: You appeared on TV at the age of nineteen to support your father who was openly discussing his sexuality. Did you ever experience any bullying as a result of your appearance? If so, how did you handle it?
Chris: It was the Morton Downy Jr. show (on which my dad was the guest and I was in the audience and they called on me for some questions) while I was in High school. We also did a CNBC show (which I haven’t seen.) on gay parents for air in Japan. I also did a show in college where I was the guest for the Geraldo show and my dad was in the audience. I really didn’t have any effect from the shows on the bully front. I have to say most of my friends were supportive but most people know me as a good person and the type of guy who doesn’t take much flack from anyone. I don’t stand for people being mean to me and I pretty much just move on. I’ve had a few friends over the years where when it became apparent they had a issue with my dad I just moved on and left them where they were. Bigotry is not a good personal quality in people and I found it unattractive when it showed it’s head.
PenProstitute: Do you think if your father had the right to marry like any straight couple his sexual “status” would have been given the same respect?
Chris: I think there’s a lot of hate that has to work it’s way out of our culture first before people treat straight couples and gay couples the same even if the laws are changed. My dad would always say until he walk down the street hand and hand and kiss his lover in front of people on the street without a reaction it won’t be the same. I think once my father and all gay people have the right marry we are going in the right direction at least but I know there is still a long way to go.
PenProstitute: What is your hope for the LGBT community?
Chris: I hope that the community sees all rights the same as soon as possible. I hope that everyone in the LGBT community becomes as accepted as everyone else is.
I hope the push for rights continues until everyone has the same rights and the laws of hate are gone. I hope no one is ashamed of who they are as really we are all equals and should be treated the same.
PenProstitute: What words of wisdom and support would you have for children being raised by someone who is LGBT?
Chris: Try not to go through life thinking you’re different. Everyone has the same types of fears and insecurities although they all come from different places. Be yourself and love your parents as much as possible. Don’t be ashamed of them as there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of them and yourself as we are all different and have equal value in the world.
