As Oprah would put it , “I had a light bulb moment.” A male friend and I were sitting on the deck of his beautiful home, slinging back cocktails and contemplating the economy and many of life’s mysteries. (I love these few and far between moments with him. I always walk away learning something about myself.) We were talking about how hard times are. Pretty much everyone struggles to make money unless you are one of the gas and oil Lords, which is a whole other rant!! He tells me that he might have $500,000. in assets but that does not mean shit!! He has maybe $250,000. in debt. If something was to happen to him where he had to sell it all, he’d still be screwed. Most of the assets would go well below cost. At best he’d figured he’d break even. At 51 years of age that’s a scary thought. “Don’t get me wrong, I have put money back but not near enough to live the life I want for retirement”. he stated. I replied that he’s not alone many, many others are in this boat. I then decided to share my story with him.

Just a few short years ago I was engaged to be married, gave up everything I owned and moved into this house of 5,200. sq ft. I so thought I had my happily-ever-after. I really did give up everything, dishes, washer, dryer, microwave. Moved in with kids, clothes, bedroom furniture and a couch. I gave it all away to any friend that was in need. The happy thoughts didn’t last long after I moved in; there were struggles with the $2,400. a month house payment. I did my best and got it re-financed down to $1,700. a month. After a year of making the best of everything I could, the husband-to-be decided he didn’t want to come home. He was not out cheating he was just hanging at the river with family and friends. He tells me that he does not really want to do the “kid thing”. My children were ages 8 and 14, they were part of the package when he proposed. At the age of 47 years old I thought he knew his own mind. I guess we never stop learning about ourselves! So out on my own I go, again!! With nothing, but beds and clothes. It was really hard at first. I felt like such a failure. I found a cute 1,200.sq ft house to rent that came with microwave, washer & dryer. The best part, it had a front porch swing and a picket white fence. I took it and come hell or high water I was not going to let this knock me down!!! It took a long time before I realized what a gift I was given. When something breaks the landlord fixes it, best landlord ever by the way. No out of pocket expense to me. For a single mom with two kids, the savings is limited and could be wiped out with one major expense. As I regained my footings, I had my “light bulb moment.” I realized that I’m not poor or at the bottom of the barrel but ahead of the game! I have freedom!! Freedom to pack up and move anytime I want, tell my boss to stick it. No banks are going to haunt me for something I can no longer afford or could not sell, except maybe my auto. Don’t get me wrong, home ownership is a good thing if you are prepared for it or have more than one income in the household. It’s all about what you need for you.

So as my male friend has all the toys and beautiful home, he has sacrificed his freedom. He struggles like so many to plan for some kind of happy ending in retirement, is there such a thing any more? If in the middle of the night he decides it’s all to much and toss all responsibilities to the wind, hops on a motorcycle and rides off into the sunset to find his passion he would forever be haunted by the dark cloud of DEBT!!! He has things that he spends his life energy on and how much time does he really have to enjoy them? He has the goal to be debt free in five years and I really do hope he makes it to that goal without working himself into the ground. Sometimes less really is more! He concurred but did not see other options for himself now. He was already in too deep.

So I say to those who have had to start over or lost their homes in foreclosures and hard times, brush yourself off and embrace your freedom! You don’t ever have to do that to yourself again. Look for a better way. A way to live free of the social expectation and blaze your own path. Find your passion, or share your pain with others who might be going through the similar thing. Or better yet, teach your children they do not have to live with the “debt cloud”. We are all in this world TOGETHER, so why not help each other and be reminded that we are all human and have our own lessons to learn. There is no more trying to keep up with the “JONES” …it’s a fight together as ONE to make a better way for ALL.