There are many circumstances that absolve a criminal of all blame. For example, thieves can’t be blamed for stealing from somebody, if the person they stole from was so careless that they didn’t have the money stashed away safely in their underpants, but only in a handbag or pocket. Let’s not even speak of the victim not presenting themselves more like an average homeless person, but instead mindlessly dressed like the average working- or middle-class person they were, and thus drew attention to themselves, clearly just begging to be robbed. And let’s not forget the victim’s mother and friends; they really should’ve known not to let the victim hang out and get drunk with a would-be thief.

The most blameless and misunderstood of all criminals are, of course, rapists. It’s completely beyond me how anyone could even think of holding them responsible for their own actions, when I consider the number of irresistibly tempting circumstances they can find themselves in and the sheer evilness their victims exude.  Let’s take a look at those circumstances and the treacherous methods of their victims.

The rapist must be absolved of all blame when…

• The rapist couldn’t control their savage caveperson urges for sexual release and was thus driven to this act of desperation. This is similar to how people can’t simply stop eating without dropping dead at some point. Yes, it really is that bad.
• The victim was wearing a short skirt. Scratch that:  the victim was wearing any kind of skirt.
• The victim was wearing a certain kind of shoes and was thus asking for it.
• The victim wasn’t wearing clothes that are widely deemed appropriate for their sex. Quick, somebody invent intersexual clothes!
• The victim was walking around alone too late at night, or in the morning, or at noon, or at any time really.
• The victim was intoxicated or high on drugs. How can anyone decide whether or not they want to be raped in this state? Obviously, in this case, the rapist must make the best choice themselves.
• The victim was showing too much cleavage, or actually, any cleavage. Oh, the temptation… it would switch anyone’s brains off, including yours. What? No? You’re lying.
• The victim has previously had consensual sex with the rapist(s).  Consent can never be withdrawn, which is why divorced people still have the right to demand sex of each other.
• The victim has had a lot of consensual sex with many people in the past. That means they’ll also do it with every person they’ll ever meet.
• The victim used to hang out with the rapist(s) when they really should’ve known not to. After all, they would’ve also known to steer clear of every check fraudster.
• Friends of the victim let them hang out with the rapist(s) when they should’ve told them not to. How dare they not tell the victim when they’ve already recognized the rapist with their magical rapist-dar from 3 miles away?! (So that’s where ‘radar’ comes from!)
• The parents of the victim really should’ve known and shouldn’t have let them hang out with the rapist(s), just like they wouldn’t let them hang out with a would-be robber.
• The victim has agreed to have something to drink with the rapist at either of their homes. Obviously, having a coffee with somebody means you have consented to sex with them.
• The victim has agreed to kiss the rapist(s).  Because kissing somebody is clearly the same as having intercourse with them; so why would you need any more consent?
• The victim was male, female, or intersexed. No male has ever been raped, females ask for it all the time, and intersexed people… well, I guess a combination of those has to apply, right?
• The victim was transsexual.  Automatic consent.  Because.
• The victim’s gender wasn’t conforming to what can easily be read as male or female, man or woman. How dare they not clearly signaling every stranger they meet what’s in their pants?!  It’s therefore the rapists duty to teach them a lesson, because that will definitely persuade them to do better in the future. Ideally, they’ll be running around with their genitals out in the open. It couldn’t get any clearer than that.  Perfection.

  

• The victim was wearing anything less than a burka. Needless to say, males have to wear a burka too. (That’s called a murka, by the way.)
• The victim wasn’t wearing a chastity belt.  Beneath the burka or murka, of course.
• Oh, and don’t forget the muzzle for the bonus hole.

All right, I’ll put sarcasm aside.  But if anyone still doesn’t understand how ridiculous victim blaming is, I’m not entirely sure how to make it any clearer.   Please notice that I kept this discussion as gender neutral as possible. While it’s true that the vast majority of rapes are committed by males, anyone can become a victim and anyone can be a rapist.  I could now go on about rape culture but that would warrant an article of its own.  Instead, here I give you the practical advice to get over the hang-ups and sexist myths that you have ingrained in your head, so you can start listening to your common sense and compassion – for others and possibly yourself.  We all have to, because it’s the only way our society will stop trying to blame anyone and anything but the rapist and start treating rape as the serious crime it is, regardless of who rapes, in what situation, and who the victim is. When we were in secondary modern school, my best friend’s sister was raped by our parish priest, who was also our Catholic religion teacher at school.  The most “serious” consequence for him was him being quietly transfered to neighboring Slovenia.

The fact is that, unless the rapist is criminally insane, all responsibility always lies solely with the rapist – even if the victim had been running around butt naked and dancing provocatively in front of the them.  If you have kids in your life, don’t hesitate to educate them and lead by example whenever an opportunity presents itself. It’s the best way to prevent kids from growing into adults who will perpetuate rape culture and maybe commit rape themselves.

For more information and help visit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network at www.rainn.org and its International Sexual Assault Resources.

And while we’re at it, I would also like to entrust this most excellent article on consent by Scarleteen’s Heather Corinna to you: Driver’s Ed For the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

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