By: Air Brin

A recent incident in a high-end North Dallas Mall involving a Dallas Cowboy football player Dez Bryant and his sagging pants caught my attention since it has been all over the internet. Now, I am well aware that there will be no fashion shows this year featuring exposed boxer briefs above belted, over-sized, short pants and I have been to NorthPark Center on occasion. While the fashionistas and label whores of Dallas and its surrounding areas flock to this mall to get their Gucci/Coach/Versace fix, there are also plenty of average Levi’s-wearing, Macy’s-bargain-shoppers power walking the corridors as well.

As far as I know, there is no law in Dallas banning sagging pants. If there is such a law, then it isn’t working or being enforced at all, and as long as your genitals aren’t exposed I don’t see the problem. The problem is the fact that a mall security officer asked Mr. Bryant to pull his pants up and in response Mr. Bryant mouthed off obscenities.

I checked the NorthPark Center’s web-site to see if there was a dress code in place. You never know, but I found nothing. I even checked the site’s safety tips. Not a word was mentioned about tripping over your pants or in case of emergencies makes sure your pants are worn securely around your waist in order to walk quickly to the nearest exit.

So I wondered for a minute and thought, now what if Rancher Bill drives his wife into the city so she can buy one of those fancy Coach bags that all her friends are carrying to the Rich Lady Society meetings and, on the way, his testicle-squeezing Wranglers split right down the middle of his backside revealing his tighty-whiteys? What would that same security officer do? Would Rancher Bill’s wife be forced by mall security to break out her needle and thread and sew his pants back together? Would Rancher Bill be encouraged to buy a pair of cargo pants from the Gap? What if Rancher Bill was already right mad ‘bout havin’ to spend $400 on a purse for his old lady and now he has a split down the ass of his pants and told that security guard that he could stick it right there in that split, because Rancher Bill is gonna sit down on this here bench and wait for his wife.

I would bet $1,000 that security guard/off duty police officer, after being scolded by Rancher Bill, would let Rancher Bill sit right there until his wife came back. You know that security guard would probably keep the good eye of his hurt ego on him until he left, but the point is he would back off and leave Rancher Bill alone.

Please don’t get me wrong here. I’m not trying to scream racism. I don’t know any background on the security guard. My point is, if your underwear is showing then your underwear is showing. Get over it and be glad that people haven’t discovered that real rebellion is going commando.