Parenting, Relationships, Sexuality, Society — April 3, 2012 at 9:48 am

Mum Always Knows Best


Robyn’s a real cat lover. When she was about 13, a few stray kittens appeared out her back yard. It took her two months to befriend the only survivor. She spent every morning of her summer vacation from school sitting on the ground, patiently encouraging the little kitten to warm up to her. Eventually she did. From then on, she was known as Boo, and became part of the family. She never quite lost her stray roots and was always frightened when strangers were in the house. I think she only ever relaxed fully when she lay on Robyn’s lap. Thick as thieves. Best friends.

Little Boo was now a permanent fixture in the house. It was a few years on. Robyn had since moved out and was now seeing a girl. It was her first girlfriend. The relationship remained a secret for months. Robyn couldn’t come out to her parents. It was far too daunting. She struggled with living what felt like two separate lives. Her parents were always interested in her life and what she got up to. Innocent questions, but Robyn couldn’t quite tell the whole truth, the honest truth. She did mention her girlfriend Nikki at times. Never as her girlfriend. Just as her ‘friend’.

Nikki was a couple of years older than Robyn. She didn’t understand Robyn’s pain. She felt that because Robyn wouldn’t tell her parents about them that she wasn’t serious about their relationship. Silly when you look back now. But it felt severe at the time. Nikki got to be a bit too much and a defeated Robyn succumbed to the pressure. She brought Nikki home. Still as a ‘friend’ though. Baby steps. Nikki had been to the family home before but it was always strategically timed when Robyn knew they would be home alone.

They sat in the kitchen. Only Robyn’s mother was at home. She made coffee. Robyn saw Boo at the back door and let her in. Boo ate some food. She then looked around to see what was happening. As always, she headed straight for Robyn. Her next move was completely unforeseen. She made her way to Nikki’s legs and maneuvered in and out between them. Rubbing up against them in a friendly fashion. Robyn saw it. Robyn’s mother saw it. Robyn’s mother looked at Nikki, smiled, and said, “Oh, you’ve been here before!” If Robyn ever wanted the ground to swallow her, now was the time. Boo! What have you done! To Robyn, her little companion had outed her! To her mother! Oh dear, it was time to leave. Robyn couldn’t say goodbye quick enough and got herself and Nikki out as fast as she could. She’ll say now that it was a total exaggeration. But at the time, it felt so scary. Almost life threatening.

Robyn was distant from her mother for a couple of days. How could she face her? How was she going to explain it all? She got back to her place one evening. There was mail. It was her mother’s handwriting on the envelope. Anxious and confused, she opened it. It was a handwritten letter. This piece of paper was going to change things forever. It read;


My dearest darling Robyn,
I’m so happy you came home yesterday and introduced me to Nikki. She seems like a nice girl. She seems to care about you.
The important thing right now is how much I care about you. I hope you understand just how much. You are part of me, you came from me, you are my proudest creation. I feel so privileged everyday when I think about the gift I have received, the gift is you.
Your life is your own and is for nobody else to judge. People might still try, but I know your heart and I know your strength and courage will overcome any adversity you might face. Your independence (which sometimes bordered stubbornness), has always reassured me that you are here on this earth for some great purpose. From a very early age it was clear you are a leader. Your passion has always moved me. I admire my little girl. I’m so proud of her.
I will always welcome you home with open arms. That will never change. I’m your mother. I love you. It would bring me great sorrow to ever think that you felt you couldn’t talk to me. About anything. You have my trust, you have my confidence, you have my love, you have my all.
We’re all here in this life in pursuit of happiness. I feel like I have found it. I have a beautiful daughter and a loving husband. It all awaits you my dear Robyn. Give it your best shot and bring whoever you want with you on your journey. Love is a wonderful feeling and whoever gets to share in your heart, I’ll count them very lucky, whoever that person may be.
You know how proud I am of you. I know soon you will feel proud too. It’s the way you were built and you’ve always been true to yourself and your values. Who knows, maybe some day you will help others overcome what feels like such a difficult time. You have energy, you have passion, you have compassion. You’re a person who can change thoughts, change perceptions. You do it to me all the time!
All I ask, is that you remember what you’re capable of. Remember your potential. And remember that I love you. Your family is behind you.
With all my love and more,
P.S. Don’t be mad with little Boo, she wants to share in your joy. Just like your Mum!
It was a brave step for Robyn’s mother. She didn’t know how it would turn out. It was a chance she was willing to take. She knew she didn’t have it wrong. She had always known. It hurt her to see Robyn in pain. She was happy to let Robyn come out in her own time but something encouraged her to make the first move. Maybe it was Boo.

A very tearful phone conversation followed. Robyn then made her way home. True to her words, her mother stood at the door with open arms. She held Robyn as they both wept. It wasn’t sadness. It was relief. A weight lifted. It was love. That type that you only feel with your Mum.

The letter meant so much to Robyn. It left the ball in her court. No pressure. It clearly left such a mark that whenever Robyn writes something, it’s always on yellow paper.


Read another great story from Robyn —-> Dear 15 year old me, I’m writing to tell you it got better

Follow more from Robyn on Facebook here ——> Gay Girl Revolution

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