By: Diva Dee

It’s already been established that men and women reach their sexual peaks at different stages throughout their lifetimes.  Well dang! It’s hard enough to deal with the moods on a daily basis let alone mid-life visions of no more sugar-plums dancing in our heads.  It is another established fact that women go through menopause during this time; however, whether or not a man does is still debatable.  Doctors agree that a male’s testosterone level decreases as he gets older; but the male “change” is most commonly referred to as “A Mid-Life Crisis.”  Nonetheless, both sexes go through a change somewhere in their mid to late 40’s into their 50’s.  Women get hot flashes, bitchy, moody, and nearly impossible to tolerate.  Men, on the other hand, get extremely restless, are highly distractible, buy exotic, flashy convertible cars and chase younger women trying to hang onto the last thread of their virility before the Testosterone fairy comes and takes it all away.

It’s a given fact this is a time in life when we freak out. Sexual desires that once burned hot get buried under marital debris—the job, the bills, the arguments, and the kids.  Not to mention our changing hormones.  If we are lucky enough to survive the physical and emotional changes of mid-life, there is hope.  At some point, we get past this “blur” and are catapulted out of the black hole into the Second Virginity.

WHEEE! The kids are grown and hopefully on their own, the job is finally secure, the financial obligations have waned, and the cloud of burden is finally starting to show the light of better times ahead! However, it doesn’t come without a price.  Some marriages are just not meant to make it through the storm.  It’s hard to throw spice into a relationship that’s gone cold and more and more mid-lifers (who were once our 60’s Woodstockers) are deciding to walk away. We did what we had to do and now it’s time to turn the page.

It usually only takes a sudden attraction or a glimmer of interest from the opposite sex to fire up those sleeping hormones and make us feel sexy again.  How wonderful to have someone want you sexually!  Sexual desire is a built-in primal drive in both sexes, obviously meant for pro-creation.  However, when our child-bearing years are over (and this time is set by the woman), our views of sex have to change as well.  Of course, sexual encounters are a way to show your partner you love them and to express your desire to pleasure them. But what if there isn’t any partner—like after divorce?  That is when we must change our views about sex and our sexuality and become more open-minded about having sex without the dedication of a long-term commitment.  Yes, I’m talking about casual sex.

With our confidence returning, sex is more of a wanting without the pressure of feeling we have to.  It’s the freedom to be together and enjoy each other’s bodies without the burdens.  It’s the freedom to be ourselves, as individuals, and not be smothered by having someone under foot 24/7.  It’s the freedom to finally explore new sexual ground (and possibly some of those fantasies) without inhibitions, and concentrate on perfecting that Big “O” with someone special.

Yes, the Second Virginity phase of life is a time to be embraced indeed!

(At least 3 times a week)    <wink>

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