October 7, 1998: Cyclist Aaron Kreifels spots what he takes for a scarecrow as he rides through a Wyoming field. When he sees the glistening blood, he realizes this is no scarecrow, and the brutally beaten University of Wyoming student Matthew Shepard is rushed to a hospital, where five days later, on October 12, he finally succumbs to the savage assault by Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson.

September 22, 2010: Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi jumps to his death from the George Washington Bridge, after discovering that his roommate, Dharun Ravi, has broadcast webcam images showing him engaged in a private sexual encounter with a male friend.

The murder of Matthew Shepard inspired rage, shock, and, finally, action. Matthew’s mother, Judy, determined to do whatever she could to prevent any other parent from having to experience the unendurable loss of a child. She started the Matthew Shepard Foundation:

“OUR MISSION: To encourage respect for human dignity and difference by raising awareness, opening dialogues, and promoting positive change.
“OUR VISION: To “Replace Hate with Understanding, Compassion, and Acceptance” through a variety of educational and outreach programs, and by continuing to tell Matthew’s story.
“OUR DESIRED OUTCOME: To persuade people to think differently, behave differently, and inform others of the importance and value of diversity.”

Tyler’s suicide triggered a trial for Ravi and a series of initiatives aimed at raising awareness of the consequences of bullying and overt homophobia. Tyler’s parents, like Matthew’s, have converted their grief into action against hate and homophobia. The recently established Tyler Clementi Foundation, “guided by the life and story of Tyler Clementi, promotes safe, inclusive and respectful social, environments in homes, schools, campuses, churches and the digital world for LGBT youth and their allies.”

The loss of these two men—college students in the bright light of youth, brimming with promise and potential—cannot be measured. We are left merely to imagine what they might have contributed to their families, communities, and the broader world. Their deaths were the toxic fruit of hate, ignorance, and the fear of “otherness.”

All decent people were outraged by both deaths, and the politicians chimed in, like everyone else, with the rhetoric of indignation and alarm.

After Matthew’s death, a hate crimes bill was introduced in Wyoming, but it failed in the Wyoming House of Representatives. Judy Shepard and her foundation made it their business to get federal legislation passed that would protect future LGBT youth and other scapegoated minorities from a similar fate. It took eleven long, contentious years, but in October 2009, President Obama signed the Matthew Shepard & James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. (In 1998 James Byrd Jr. was dragged to his death while chained to a pickup truck, simply for being African American.)

New Jersey’s Governor Chris Christie said Tyler’s death was an “unspeakable tragedy… as the father of a 17-year-old, I can’t imagine what those parents are feeling today—I can’t.” In January 2011, just four months later, New Jersey enacted the nation’s toughest law against bullying and harassment in schools.

Let us remember that Matthew and Tyler are only two of  hundreds of martyrs in the march toward LGBT equality. The federal Hate Crimes Act was enacted three years ago, but the suicides and the assaults have not ended; indeed they continue to occur on a sickeningly regular basis, not only here in the United States, but all over the world, when homophobia and hate burn to the boiling point.

And let us hold our politicians and government leaders accountable for their part in this tragic toll. Chris Christie’s words of shock and dismay after Tyler’s death rang as hollow as a bullet hole when he vetoed marriage equality a mere 17 months later. Does he not see the fundamental hypocrisy of his words? His veto perpetuated institutional discrimination and thereby gave tacit permission for regular people in their everyday lives to discriminate—and do worse—against their LGBT brothers and sisters. How can the Wyoming House of Representatives not see that by defeating the law to protect LGBT and other minorities from hate crimes, they were by definition encouraging more of the very same?

How can Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, who have vowed to initiate a federal ban on same-sex marriage if elected, not see the consequences of codifying discrimination—bigotry, homophobia, and hate—in U.S. law? They are playing to our basest impulses in their fight for power.

How are these politicians any different from the McKinneys and the Hendersons and the Ravis out there, whose blind and self-righteous hatred turned deadly? Just because they dress up in nice suits and ties, and may boast large personal fortunes, does not alter the fact that these elected representatives of the people are players in this lethal cycle of homophobia and hate crimes. We are taught from birth to respect authority. When officials like Governor Christie, and men nominated for the highest offices in the land like Governor Romney and Congressman Ryan, say no to equality, why are we surprised that so many patriotic Americans unreflectively follow their wrong-headed, unjust lead?

Make no mistake about it. President Obama has done more to secure protection and progress for LGBT people than all previous presidents combined. On their website, eQualitygiving.org lists a total of 80 specific gains that have occurred in the president’s first term. Those who complain that Obama is only playing politics must either be willfully ignoring this long and impressive list or adhering to some other agenda to make the well-acknowledged argument that we still have miles to travel on our journey to full equality.

But let’s not shoot ourselves in the foot just to make a point. We have a critical choice to make on November 6. We can elect Romney and Ryan, and watch years of hard-won progress for LGBT and civil rights begin to erode and unravel. As the protections fall away, we can expect incidents of bullying, harassment, homophobia, hate crimes, and suicides to increase. Or, we can re-elect Barack Obama, and continue moving toward the day when our country truly embraces, encourages, inspires, and protects our glorious diversity.

What kind of nation do we want to be?

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