By: Deeone Higgs @ The Kingskidd Report
Have you ever known a person/or people who go through rapid phases of changes through their persona, and you’re often left wondering, “Hey, what just happened here?” First they become angry and agitated (seems like out of the blue), then they become panicky and apprehensive (this comes left field as well), then they become agitated and threatening (by this time you’re showing concern), and then they lapse into depression and despair (by this time it’s your fault, not so much theirs). Most of the time these phases occur when the person didn’t get his or her way (nothing at all to do with you, of course), or when you didn’t appease them in order for them to have gotten their way. That may seem like it’s the same, but I assure you it’s totally different. The first you have absolutely nothing to do with, you just found yourself in the line of fire. The second you simply got suckered into. If you have though, then you have probably been in the presence of a pure Control Freak.
It’s quite normal to want to have some control over your life, that is perfectly healthy. But when a person has to not only have control over their own lives, but also needs to feel the control over others to the point that they can’t rest until they get their way…then that person has a personality disorder; and it’s called Control Freak.
Throughout my life I’ve known my share of control freaks and this bunch can be a bit much to handle at times. It seems their entire day is out of whack when they don’t seem to make it all about what they want. It’s a victim mentality that they demand your utmost attention to the matter at hand… their matter at hand. They are completely oblivious to the fact that you are sending body language and sometimes vocal signals of your displeasure regarding the ongoing situation. As a matter of fact, they might even be aware of them; quite frankly, they just don’t give a rats ass about your feelings.
They want what they want to happen and they want it now! And woe unto that unlucky soul that fails to not give them what it is they want. It’s their goal to obtain it by any means necessary. Even if that means making you feel as though you have done something wrong to them. You have. You didn’t let them have their way. By the time they are through with you, they might even have you thinking that you actually really did do something wrong. You didn’t. They played you and took control of the situation, which just happens to be what they were seeking in the first place.
The Cause
Most control freaks are protecting themselves from anxiety. It starts off with a demand, one that you are oblivious too, but one that they have come up with in order to see just how far their tool of control can go over with you. If you’re not aware of what it is they are doing, then they have prevailed. Which happens to be a good thing for you, because they are adamant about prevailing and would go through whatever they have to in order to feel that they have, in fact, prevailed.
Giving them that slight control or giving into their demands will produce an eery calmness that if you pay close attention to them you will certainly be aware of. It is almost like an anxiety pill for them, having that control; something changes their whole demeanor when they have achieved what they wanted to.
Now, if they don’t happen to get what they want, you will be in for the fight, argument, or debate of your life. Why? It’s simple, they didn’t get what they were seeking, when or how they were seeking it. In which case, you might be given a good tongue lashing, you might be given the silent treatment, you might even lose out on the relationship altogether. The latter is an advance case, at best though. If you find yourself in the predicament where they are willing to give up the friendship or relationship, there were signs long before this that you just chose to ignore.
So how do we protect ourselves from the control freaks of the world? By having a game plan or strategy to defend yourself from these individuals. Dr. Thomas J. Schumacher a psychiatrist who helps diagnose many other personality disorders stated several strategies to help you avoid control freaks.
1) Stay calm. Control freaks have a tendency to be able to unravel your nerves a bit. It is what they are good at. You on the other hand, need to stay composed and breath. Never let them see you sweat, because this will only encourage them that they found your button. And just knowing where the button is, isn’t enough for them… they will push that button until you or it falls off the hinge.
2) Speak slowly. Only because they will be going 95 words a minute, and if they are spilling out all of their facts at that rate, you won’t get one word in edgewise.
3) Be patient. Control freaks have a basic need, and that need is the need to be heard. Most of the time its hot air that just needs to escape through their breath, but if you listen to what it is they have to say, only speaking when it’s your turn to speak, and ask good questions to let them know you were listening; you’ll soon find that they too in turn will calm down to your level. If this doesn’t happen… Run! You’ve got someone with some serious issues on your hand.
4) Pay attention to your reactions when dealing with this individual. Are they constantly bringing out the “growl” in you. Whenever you’re in their presence do they literally make you wanna cuss?
5) At first, let them control the situation. Dr Thomas states, “But you control the pacing. If you stay calm and speak slowly, you will be in command of the pacing of the conversation.”
6) Be kind. Dr Thomas also goes on to say that within most control freaks is a dose of paranoia. It may seem to these individual that the world is against them and they have to protect themselves. If you’re kind to the control freak, their paranoia has nothing to take hold of. Their demeanor has to remain constant. It’s kind of hard to argue with someone who is maintaining an even tone.
7) Turn the table. Make your own demands; ask them to do something or give you something. By asking something of them, Dr. Thomas states, “you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns.”
It’s important to know that these manipulators will not change, it’s a cycle that they have learned or taught themselves. And the only way they will cease from needing that control is with professional help. Unless you are a trained professional, you will not be that individual to a control freak. So, you may now stop trying. What you can do is control your own environment. You can decide if you will allow this individual that control over you.
If you are now aware of what it is and would like to continue that type of control, then change nothing, continue what it is you have been doing; I promise you nothing will change.
If you want change and can no longer can stomach the process in which they take you through, then either you need to take your control back or learn how to better control the situation. It is important that you are aware, that you aren’t playing with someone who plays fairly. They want control. It doesn’t mean that they are an evil individual that is in need of being destroyed, it simply means that now you know what you’re dealing with. And it’s ok. I would rather know than to be left wondering…”What the hell is wrong with this person?!” Now you know… They are a Control Freak.
Have you ever been a victim of a control freak? How did you cope? Or how did you feel when they prevailed?
